Contemplative

I am sitting here at this desk, knowing that my house looks like a small tornado hit it, waiting for the laundry to finish so that I can switch loads. I am pondering whether or not this blogging thing is worth all the time I put into it. Do I do it just because I am avoiding spending time in the word or doing something I know I should be doing? Yes, probably-ok, ok-let's be honest-I do do it to avoid doing other things.
I have been blessed with others wonderful stories-but the majority have been heartbreaking. I sit at the computer and just cry some days because I can't believe all the babies that the devil is stealing or trying to steal. Don't get me wrong-they are in heaven-but that doesn't make it any easier to know that the devil is after our next generation. It makes me mad. Mad at the devil-mad at myself.
I go check on my children every night and thank God that I am so blessed AFTER, I have read these stories-but how is that fair? I get to love my children and hug and kiss them, while another mother has to bury hers.
I have taken for granted what God has given me and I have to repent. Not only to the Lord, but to my children, my friends, my bloggy friends-All of you. I am not a perfect mother. I yell. I scream. I argue over the stupidest things-when I should be telling my children how much I love them.
I am blessed and I take it for granted. I am so, so sorry! For anything that has offended anyone. This is not all about me. I know God wants to use Chris and I for some really awesome things, but if I take for granted what He has given us-then how can I be used if my vessel is not willing to be emptied of all the foolish things of this world?
How can I be a witness if my life is not where it should be? How can I show Jesus if all I doing is complaining? So I sit here, wondering what I can change to allow Him to move. This is not all about me, yes, it is my blog-but I've been on others and seen just the anointing of God move through their words. That's where I want to be. Not about the mundane things (yes, some will be scattered because I want to share my family), but about my FATHER's business! I want to be a vessel of honor-not of disappointment and discouragement.
Oh, where do I go from here? I will take a break from here. I need to seek the Lord. This next week is coming with anticipation and I know God is going to move mightily in our lives and I need to be ready. Please be praying for us over the next weeks ahead. There will be a lot of life changing decisions for us to make and we want His will-His perfect will for our lives!
Lord, I repent of anything that I have placed before you instead of making you, Jesus, first. Friends, I repent for anything that I have place before your eyes that has hurt or offended you-Please forgive me. Lord, use me for whatever you have planned. I want to be an open vessel for you to use.

Psalm 39:7-8 "And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You. Deliver me from all my transgressions; do not make me the reproach (Disgrace; shame.) of the foolish.
Psalm 40:1-5 I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth-Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.
Blessed is that man who makes the Lord his trust, and does not respect the proud nor such as turn aside to lies. Many, O Lord my God, are your wonderful works which you have done; and your thoughts toward us cannot be recounted to you in order; If I would declare and speak of them they are more than can be numbered.
Where you go, Lord, I will Go.......