Honesty...

I am going to be honest here. This past year has been rough. The finances. The marriage. The kids...you name....the devil has tried to undue it.
Today, I sat in church, in tears. Wondering where it all went wrong. Why it had to be like this. Why it looked so fake to me. Fake. You know-when it looks all hunkydory to everyone else, when you're really dying on the inside.
Dying to find who YOU are. Yes, I am Chris' wife. Yes, I am Tevin's mom, Jakes mom, Preston's mom, Jordan's mom, Caitlyn's Mom. But, who am i? Where it all went to. How you got into this mess.
I love my Jesus. He so know's how to explain who you are and what you need! I sat in service (mascara faced and all) and listened to my Pastor tell me what God wanted me to hear. He said that we should run to the altar-be willing to not hold in what we need from God. To give it to him. Wow! He also said that God knows everything about us-even before we ask. To allow God to use others to minister to one another. That is what the body of Christ is for.

Then...get this: I came home and checked my blogs for new ones and one of my favorites showed up....and that was a God thing too. Check out http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/ ! I cried all the way through. It spoke to my heart. Look what God does-even when we think we are not worth it! We are in His eyes.

I have a lot to blog about, but for now....I am spending time with my God......