In the process of forgiving...going deeeeeep!

I have been reading "The Shack". It has been a truly life-changing book. I can't tell you how incredible it is! You have to read it!

So, why do I say I am in the process of forgiving? After reading this book, it opened my eyes about how God truly thinks-I mean-reading the word does this also-so really both this book AND the word..have brought me to a place where I really have to GIVE IT TO GOD.
I am talking about my relationship with my parents...As a child, I lived in a very abusive home. My father found every reason to beat the tar out of us. He beat my mother more than my brother and I-so we witnessed bruises and black eyes practically every week.
Thank God that my Grandmother rescued us. But it's not that simple. My mother was supposed to leave my father and take us and live in a house my Grandmother was providing. We left him, packed up everything and moved. TWO days later, she left a note on my Grandmothers bed..."I am going back. I love him. You will stay with Meme.". My brother and I weren't shocked, per say...just really, really hurt.(We ended up staying with my Grandmother until I became hard-headed...and that's a story for another post)
This has been an open wound for a really long time.Well, I bring this up because this Sunday will be my Grandmothers Surprise 90th Birthday Party. I was asked to do the decorations and flowers and I gladly obliged. I was quite excited-until I realized that I just knew my mother would be there.I wasn't mad...or angry...just worried.
You see, my mother (and father) has only seen 3 of my children maybe twice in their lives, she's never seen the girls except at my Grandmother's in pictures. I have tried to make amends, but each time, I have been hurt beyond words. I cry over this. I pray over this. I morn over this.
Especially now.
I want so badly to have my mother in my life. But it is not possible...YET. And I say this IN FAITH and trusting God that with HIS help it is possible.
This brings me back to "The Shack". I can't give away the details (it would ruin the book for you), but I needed what it said. I needed to know that God heard my cries in this area of my life.
One sentence is all I can give to explain how I feel.."Forgiveness is not about forgetting it is about letting go of another person's throat"...Wow! Yes, I had forgiven them a long time ago..but I still carried it. I still carried the hurt, the pain, the rejection, the loss. Oh..but God is sooo good! He's supposed to carry those things! That's what He died to give me!!! So redeeming!! It gave me hope! Hope that I haven't had in so long in this area.
As I look to Sunday...I am almost nervous, yet excited.The Lord told me to give my mother this book and to write a note with it (That He would help me with the words). I believe that this will be a bridge to our healing. We may not open all the doors, but some would be nice. But it IS going to take the God of this universe to do that. We have too much healing to do. And they have much to be redeemed from.
I am asking you, not only to read this book for yourself, because it will open your eyes to our REAL God, but also to pray for me for this weekend. That it will go smoothly and that the Holy Spirit will flood that place-whether people realize it or not!!
Thank you in advance for your prayers!