Grappling Change

grap⋅ple 
1.to hold or make fast to something, as with a grapple.
2.to use a grapple.
3.to seize another, or each other, in a firm grip, as in wrestling; clinch.
4.to engage in a struggle or close encounter (usually fol. by with): He was grappling with a boy twice his size.
5.to try to overcome or deal (usually fol. by with): to grapple with a problem.
–verb (used with object)
6.to seize, hold, or fasten with or as with a grapple.
7.to seize in a grip, take hold of: The thug grappled him around the neck.

Yes. I am trying to seize, to hold onto the idea of this change. I am having to struggle with the fact that God is in fact in control and knows what He is doing. He knew I would be in this place in my life.
The place where I find my self looking to the flesh instead of my spirit man who is just yearning for the change to come. My spirit man knows how wonderful it is to just put my trust in Him, to not look at the circumstances. (Did you know there is a difference?)
God never said it would be easy. He said trials would come and He would be with me-He would lead me, guide me....What a wonderful thought....but yet my mind (my flesh) has a hard time gripping that.
I was in my bible school class last night and I just about lost it. God is so good! Our teacher was talking about change (right on time....right?). How our "flesh" (or "natural" man) will always resist God and what He tells us to do. Your "flesh" man will always persecute your "spirit man". They can't go together. We have to make a choice which one is in control.

He also said these things:

1. You can't allow your wants to manipulate your integrity.

2.There can be NO faith exercised when there is sin! (doubt is sin by the way)

3.The word of God tells you who you are AND what is yours!

4.The key to blessing and change is being a doer of the WORD.

5. Most of the things God wants to tell us are about US changing, not that other person!!

Uh....WOW!

Oh, how I could see where I have fallen short. But thank you Jesus for showing me how to start over, to repent, and to change. I need the word....everyday. Not just when it's convienient or when I can.....I need it always.

What am I getting at? Well, all this time I have been listening to every other voice saying things like "are you sure that's what God told you to do?" "You really aren't thinking of homeschooling are you? That's crazy" "I don't know if you have what it takes".

Yes, this is what I have heard, some from close relatives or friends. I kept wrestling with what they had said.....WHAT WAS I THINKING!! What do they know???

I hear God for myself!! I know His voice!! I know what He has told MY family to do!!

Isn't it just like the devil to make you think that you didn't really hear Him? Well, tough cookies, devil...you don't win.

I have control over my thoughts.....God has a plan for us. He HAS told us what to do! He knows that you, lying devil, would put people there (even ones that think they know what's best, but don't) to say those things-to confuse me. But I'M NOT BUYING IT!

I am healed and delivered from this depression-I am free because He set me free! I am healed, because Jesus paid the price for me. I am a good Mother, wife, possible homeschooling mom, worker, planner, and all the other wonderful things God has put in me that I am finding that are so awesome and only because of my Jesus.

I am not listening to my flesh or anyone elses!

By the way...Thanks BFF's for the lovely card and be.a.u.ti.ful flowers!! I love you bunces too!